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Couples and Pre-Marital Counseling
Couples counseling when domestic violence is present or suspected can endanger the life of the victim or survivor. Counsel the couple individually or refer them to appropriate resources for domestic violence counseling for the victim and Batterer Intervention and Prevention Programs for the batterer. During pre-marital counseling, emphasize healthy relationships and discuss intimate partner violence.
What You Should Know
- Domestic violence is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of action that are used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. It is rarely a one-time occurrence and usually escalates in frequency and severity over time.
- Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, socioeconomic status or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together, estranged or who are dating.
- Victims of domestic violence often remain in abusive relationships because of fear –for their lives, the safety of their children and homelessness. A victim may feel strong emotional ties to their batterer. The reality of family violence-related injuries and deaths, which occur after a victim has left their abuser, means that leaving doesn’t always mean safety.
- Religious or cultural values can inadvertently pressure a victim to keep the family together at all costs.
- Marriage and couples counseling when domestic violence is present or suspected can endanger the life of the victim. Counseling the couple individually or referring them individually to domestic violence and Batterer Intervention and Prevention Program counseling is a priority for the safety of the victim and their children.
- Batterers may use faith and religion to exert control over their victim through the misinterpretation of scripture and teachings.
- Domestic violence is not a private family matter. It is a crime with serious repercussions for the victim, their family and community. Keeping quiet about what you observe could be very dangerous for your faith member.
- Batterers may make excuses for their violence, claiming loss of control due to alcohol or drug use or extreme stress. External factors like these do not cause domestic violence, although they may intensify already existing violent behavior. Batterers choose to use violence in order to control their partner.
Signs that a member of your faith community may be abusing their intimate partner:
Do they direct any of the following behavior toward their intimate partner?
- Misinterpret religious beliefs, practices, teachings and traditions
- Call them bad names or put them down in public
- Shout and curse at them
- Control access to finances
- Actual or threatened physical harm
- Destroy property, personal possessions or keepsakes
- Act jealous and suspicious
- Isolate them from family and friends
- Throw things around the house
- Forced sexual contact or denied intimacy
- Control what their partner wears, who they talk to or where they go
- Mistreat their children and/or pets
- Attribute abusive behavior to cultural traditions or male superiority
These behaviors can happen all at once or periodically over time and are known to escalate in frequency and severity.
